ILLUSIONS OF LOVE

Love is beautiful, isn’t it? I mean it’s all roses and chocolates; candlelit dinners and morning coffees; late-night strolls or long calls. It’s all romance. It means always being in sync with one another, kind of humming to the same tune on the same key. It’s all about long kisses, warm hugs and cute pet names. Love is the flutter deep in your belly or the butterflies swarming therein. It’s about texting all day long just to know how one is. It’s the quick peck on your cheek and the lingering touch on the small of your back. It’s the glimmer in your eyes at the mention of that one special name. It’s the color rising to fill your cheeks.

 Love is also the constant back and forth on points disagreed upon. It’s the disappointment that spills over on friends and foes. It’s the overbearing patience and tolerance you are forced to exercise. It’s the compromise forced upon the “not-so-important” things. It’s the ego spewing over just to show who boss is. It’s the fight for independence or just a simple say in things. It’s the battle of wits and the spit of the tongue often at times unintended. Love is caring when you simply wouldn’t give a damn.

Love conquers all. This is a false-hood that many couples believe in this day and age. Sure it’s biblical so it should be true, right? Wrong. If you don’t work at it, don’t expect a miracle. Every time I hear of people who are starting to date whose mindset is of fairy-tale nature, I always have the urge to shout “Abort mission soldier! Abort mission!” reason being it will never work if you think like that.  I’m not saying we need a world of pure pessimists. That would be a tragedy; but reality has it that love is simply not a bed of roses. Of course sometimes it’s rosy but roses have their thorns too. It’s all part of the package.

Love has taught me one thing, live. It’s so easy to let love depress you. Don’t be surprised if love causes your stress levels to rise unbelievably and start hyperventilating. All because it all didn’t turn out how you wanted it to or how you saw it. Poor rubbish if you ask me. Who certifies how love should turn out?  Who wrote this horrid script that either makes people leave a totally salvageable situation or stay in a completely pathetic one? Isn’t it up to us to write our own

love story? It’s important to live a little, don’t be too rigid. Laugh and remember even when it’s serious sometimes it’s never that serious.

Everyone wants the beautiful side of love. Truth is we are never going to get that without facing the ugly side of love. All the tears, sleepless nights, days without foods are slightly necessary. However, if the thorns dominate instead of the rose, it’s time to think about this kind of love you are in.

WHEN HEARTS BREAK

When hearts break it’s the sound of glass shattering

It’s the sound of twigs prematurely snapped

It’s the sound of doors slammed shut

It’s the sound of crashing waves.

When hearts break it’s the stench of premature death

It’s the stench of previous desperation

It’s the stench of sweat that bore no fruit

It’s the stench of wasted perfumes and colognes.

 When hearts break it’s the simple death of trust

It’s the death of efforts to hold on

It’s the death of sweet words and promises of eternal love

It’s the death of life as we knew it.

TRAPPING ONESELF

The sun's beautiful rays bursting through the clouds

There’s a calming effect nature has on me. In fact I’m sure this effect is on every normal person. Nature is simply therapeutic. Maybe it’s the green in the leaves or the fresh air. Better yet, it could be the chirping of birds or the tranquility away from the reality of the crazy world.

Recently I visited the Nairobi National Park. I know it’s not the same as visiting the Mara but it’s something close. The fresh air seemed to carry away any problems I had at the back of mind. My brain seemed to kick into full action at the sight of God’s nature. I desired to be as carefree as the butterflies fleeting by; as relaxed as the giraffes eating out of acacia trees; as alert and swift as the antelopes. Heck, I wanted to be like the much sought after king of the jungle. I simply wanted to be free.

We live in a world where many times we simply feel trapped. All choices have consequences; we are never really free. But as I watched the animals in their natural environment I figured maybe we are trapped because we aren’t really in our natural environment. We are too busy chasing after what the world dictates to be prosperity to discover where our natural environment really is.

Put a fish out of water and it dies. But in the water it thrives and survives almost effortlessly. It’s not that easy for us. We won’t lose our breath and die out of our natural environment; but inside we are corpses rotting away.  Only when we find our natural environment will we really be free. Until then we only trap ourselves.

City's view from the park

through paper and pen

loosing touch with the inner me

running away form the pen i see

loosing sight of what's deep within

fighting to breathe yet suffocating myself

you see the pen and the paper didn't do it any more

writing journals and poetry just seemed too emotional

lost touch of how to handle things

trying to deal with it like she did or like he would

forgetting i'm a different girl

i don't talk it out, i write it out

lost my stamina lost all balance

plunging deep into despair

attempting to please the world that lacked appreciation

worldly approval that didn't quite take it all away

remembering i have an Eternal Father

yet keeping Him at bay

no more love letters no silent prayers

no invocations on Him

as pride was in the way

but waking up to a new day

i pick my paper and pen

flashbacks on my former love letters to my Lord

reminiscing on bleeding ink onto paper

bringing peace to my mind

then it suddenly dawns on me

i'm simply married to my paper and pen

hence i'll find healing in my writing away..

i'll pour out my heart through this lovely blessing of self- expression

i'll pour out my heart to God but not as everyone does in

i'll do it through my paper and pen.

i'll be the girl who found healing and changed the world through paper and pen.

changing the world a word at a time